The death rate in the United States is holding steady at 100percent. Nevertheless, the grieving process is the last thing mostemployees want to talk or even think about.

“It is normal to talk about normal life events in the workplace,such as graduations, vacations, awards or other good news," saysRussell Friedman, executive director of the Grief RecoveryInstitute in Sherman Oaks, California. "But God forbid if the topicis sad. Then everyone shuts up."

Employees often must deal with fear along with their grief.

"It's almost universally unsafe to communicate the degree towhich you are distracted by grief at work," Friedman says. "Peopleare afraid others will accuse them of slacking off or not carryingtheir weight. They're afraid they'll lose their job."

Grieving in the workplace, if not handled properly, can create atoxic situation.

“You can't avoid grief and go around it or over it," he says."You have to go through it. The time you deal with grief is whenyou are awake, and that's when you are at work. Workers can't parktheir grief at the office door."

Bereavement takes a toll on employers as well as workers. "Thecommon denominator of people who grieve is the inability toconcentrate," Friedman says. "Concentration goes up and down like aroller coaster."

This lack of concentration can result in lost productivity, poorjudgment and accidents. In a pioneering study called the GriefIndex, the Grief Recovery Institute surveyed 25,000 grievingworkers and concluded that grief associated with the death of aloved one costs U.S. businesses $37.6 billion annually. Among theother findings:

• Eighty-five percent of management-level decision-makersindicated that their decision-making ranked from "very poor" to"fair" in the weeks or months following the grief incident thataffected them.

• Ninety percent of those in blue-collar and other physical jobsindicated a much higher incidence of physical injuries because ofreduced concentration in the weeks or months following the griefincident.

• When study participants were asked if their reduced ability toconcentrate affected them for any period of time beyond any allowedbereavement time, in the case of the death of a loved one, 75percent indicated that reduced capacity affected them significantlybeyond the allowed leave.

• Asked to estimate the amount of lost days they believe were thedirect and immediate result of their reduced focus, 50 percentreported at least 30 lost days in which their value to the companyor business was dramatically reduced, and may well have containedsignificant negative consequences in the form of poor decisionmaking, poor supervisory skills, reduced sales ability andincreased workplace accidents and injuries.

• An additional 20 percent reported being affected forsubstantially longer than 30 days.

"It is generally acknowledged, and confirmed by our study, thatthe death of a loved one is the loss event that has the highestprobability of affecting people’s ability to function in theworkplace," Friedman says.

"Much of the impact, beyond the apparent response in the timeimmediately following the death, is masked and then computed inother areas: alcohol and drug abuse; stress, depression and othermental health diagnoses; physical accidents and injuries. Themanifestations of grief can and do have long-term implications,which our study participants indicated had comparable long-term,deleterious effect on their function at work."

An ounce of prevention

The best time to plan for bereavement is before it happens.However, many employees are reluctant to discuss grief anddeath-related issues.

"Preplanning for funeral and bereavement services is a superbidea," Friedman says. "However, not everyone in our society iswilling to listen to a talk on the subject, because there is somuch misinformation and so many people are terrified with by thetopic. This means a good HR person will have to use language thatencourages people to participate."

Jeanne McGill, CSA, CPC, owns Midwest Funeral PreplanningConsultants in Minneapolis. She presents seminars to encourageemployees to preplan and to walk them through the process. As thebaby boom generation ages, she says, it makes sense for them tocome to grips with the reality of their own death or that of theirparents.

"I have identified 63 decisions that must be made at the time ofdeath," she says. "Death can be a sorrowful,unpredictable and emotional time for everyone. Your family may begrieving at the very moment they are being asked to complete somevery difficult tasks on your behalf.

"I always say that a funeral is not a day in a life; it's a lifein a day."

Although many local funeral homes are willing to speak toemployees about preplanning, McGill encourages using someone suchas herself, who has no incentive to sell products or services.

"Planning for the end of your life means sharing your lifestory," McGill says. "You're helping your family participate in thecelebration of your life without worry or guilt about whetherthey're doing the right thing."

Advanced planning can ease the grieving process when it occurs,Friedman says.

"If someone has a heart attack and you bend down and say, `I'lltake a CPR class and help you tomorrow,' it does them no good," hesays. "The same is true with grief. If you say, `I'll figure outwhat to say and get back to you tomorrow,' it will be toolate."

HR professionals also should make sure eachemployee clearly understands the company's bereavement policy.Friedman encourages putting more thought into the policy than justsimply following legal mandates.

"If you break a leg on the job, you get six weeks of time offand reduced responsibilities," he says. "But if your mother dies,you may get three days of bereavement leave. That's pretty absurd.Expecting someone to be back at their desk and being productivewhile they are grieving makes no sense. Lots of businesses nowprovide one week or longer. Is it enough? I don’t know."

No two employees grieve in exactly the same way or for the sameamount of time, experts caution.

"The No. 1 thing employers and employees need to know is thatone size does not fit all," says Natalee Williams, business officemanager, EAP, for Intermountain Healthcare EAPin Salt Lake City."Everyone grieves in their own way. Employers need to respond toand acknowledge that."

EAP assistance

One growing trend is to offer grief counseling as an option inemployee assistance programs.

"A lot of companies fall into the trap of thinking that becausethey already provide insurance to employees, why should they paymore to have a grief therapist come in?" Friedman says. "Althoughcounselors are good at what they do, most are not grief experts anddon't have the best information on the topic. Grief is a needlethat must be threaded delicately."

Through its EAP, Intermountain Healthcare offers individualcounseling, face-to-face bereavement sessions and onsite support incase of a death.

"It's a growing thing right now," Williams says. "Mental healthhas become much more expensive for employers to offer with theirpremium, and an EAP can fill a big niche. We are both preventiveand reactive, and we offer services to spouses and dependentsthrough age 26."

Like Friedman, she cautions employers against rushing employeesback to work while they are grieving. "We don't set limits, such as`three visits and you're done,'" she says. "When employees areready to come back, they will be happy, healthy andproductive."

Being flexible with bereavement time gives employers intangiblerewards, Friedman says. "I have never heard of a griever takingadvantage of their boss when they are being treated well."

Friedman offers a few more simple tips for creating a healthywork environment for grievers:

• Be human. "What grieving people want and needis to talk about what happened and their relationship with theperson it happened to," he says. "Don't be a therapist; just behuman."

• Cut some slack. "People need to have time toget refocused, take a break, take a walk or make a call," Friedmansays.

• Create a safe place. "Grieving people tend toisolate, because our society isolates them," Friedman says. "Theyneed to feel they are in a safe environment in which they can sharetheir feelings."

• Don't judge. "We all feel likewe will be judged," Friedman says. "We need to create anonjudgmental environment where people can ease back into the workmode."

Perhaps the worst thing an employer can do is to do nothing.

"Ignoring grief only makes it worse," Friedman says."Acknowledging it and creating a safety zone restores productivitygradually over time. People need time for re-entry into the humanatmosphere. Just be human, just be honest, and remember you're nota therapist."