It is a truth universally acknowledged that starting arelationship is easier than keeping one. That's not to imply thatstarting is easy; it's not. But the skills required for each stageare so different, one would think they aren't related at all. Thisis why so many people start over so many times.

Starting only requires maintaining a pretense, for lack of abetter word. You're showing the best version of yourself. Keeping,on the other hand, requires a great deal more. You can't fake itanymore. You've got to be you and let the chips fall where theymay.

If you've been in a relationship longer than 12 months, you'velikely had the “you've changed” conversation. You know:

Your mate: “You weren't this way in the beginning.”

You: “But I pretended to be perfect for almost a wholeyear. Surely that counts for something?”

Whether you're talking dating and marriage or prospecting andselling, the starting is not the same as the keeping.

We're Johnny-on-the-Spot when we're courting that new prospect,aren't we? We return calls promptly and go out of our way to showthem how responsive we are. We show up 15 minutes early and arewell prepared. We're everything their previous agent or brokerwasn't. Heck, we're perfect.

And it's easy to be perfect in their eyes because for as long aswe can remember, our family and friends have marveled at ourability to seemingly change our persona to match any givencircumstance. They call us chameleons. We're not even aware we'redoing it; it's second nature to us. It's not a scam; we're simplywired to become the kind of person others find likeable. Some callit charisma. Whatever it is, it worked (and still does) for BillClinton and it works for us. It's why we're good salespeople.

People buy from people they like. And guess who most people likethe most? Themselves. So we simply mirror them and they like uswithout really knowing why. It's not a technique. We're not evenconscious of it. It's how we're wired.

So clients say yes, we get paid, and then the fun begins.

You find out who is high maintenance, who thrives on drama andwho is so disengaged that you can't get the help you need—but theystill blame you when deadlines are missed.

And here's where the Hollywood fairytale withers under the heatof reality. Experts tell us that love isn't a feeling; it's achoice. So it is with our selling relationships. We have to chooseto stay with the high maintenance, the high drama and thedisengaged. We have to choose to operate with character andintegrity; to be responsive even when we don't feel like it.

It's easy in the beginning, when it's all new and exciting andwe're getting paid. But who we are after the commission checkclears is the true test of the relationship's longevity.