When it comes to retirementsavings, we should heed the metaphorical wisdom of the flightattendant: If you're traveling with children, save for yourretirement first, then help your child. (Photo:Shutterstock)

Hmm, let's see. It's not the part about putting your seat in anupright position. Or using your cushion as a flotation device inthe unlikely event of a water landing.

Ah, yes, here it is, straight from the manual itself: “If achild is seated beside you, put on your own mask before helping to put a mask on the child.”

Sometimes we worry so much about other people, that we ignoreour own needs. Think about what this leads to. If we disregardourselves long enough, we take ourselves out of the game. When thathappen, we're no longer in the position to help those we care mostabout.

There are many reasons people don't save (or don't save enough)for retirement (see “Misperceptions Prevent Retirement Saving But TheseRemedies Can Alter That Reality,” FiduciaryNews.com, February14, 2019).

Perhaps the most daunting of these is “I need the money to helpmy kids… (fill in the blank: “youth activities,” “tuition bills,”“car payments,” “wedding,” “house down payment,” “their own kids,”you get the idea…).

The real problem isn't the lack of money, it's the lack oflong-term thinking. This isn't as easy as it sounds. For many, theurgency of the short-term clouds all else.

We all want the best for our children. When they hit anobstacle, as life so often presents, we want to step in and savethe day. Call it the “Catcher in the Rye” Syndrome. We are soafraid of what happens when our kids grow up, we don't want them togrow up. Our parenthood has come to define us. Children gainingindependence can challenge a parent's self-perception. It's adifficult reality to face sometimes.

And so we help our children when life's little troubles pop up.Those troubles usually involve money. And so, we cut back on savingfor retirement because, well, there'll be time enough in the futureto worry about that. Right now, our kids are in need of a bit ofhelp. It's a feeling every good parent knows.

But, is it really “good”? It can cause parents to enable badhabits in their children. It can also lead to parents not savingenough for their own retirement.

And then what?

They better hope their kids learn independence, because they'llbe relying on their kids to fund their retirement.

Maybe there's a better solution.

When it comes to retirement savings, we should heed themetaphorical wisdom of the flight attendant: If you're travelingwith children, save for your retirement first, then help yourchild.

Rather than enabling them, we should lead our children byexample.

And not just by saving for our own retirement, but by showingchildren how to save for their own retirement (that is, once theystart earning income).

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