It is a truth universally acknowledged that starting a relationship is easier than keeping one. That's not to imply that starting is easy; it's not. But the skills required for each stage are so different, one would think they aren't related at all. This is why so many people start over so many times.

Starting only requires maintaining a pretense, for lack of a better word. You're showing the best version of yourself. Keeping, on the other hand, requires a great deal more. You can't fake it anymore. You've got to be you and let the chips fall where they may.

If you've been in a relationship longer than 12 months, you've likely had the “you've changed” conversation. You know:

Your mate: “You weren't this way in the beginning.”

You: “But I pretended to be perfect for almost a whole year. Surely that counts for something?”

Whether you're talking dating and marriage or prospecting and selling, the starting is not the same as the keeping.

We're Johnny-on-the-Spot when we're courting that new prospect, aren't we? We return calls promptly and go out of our way to show them how responsive we are. We show up 15 minutes early and are well prepared. We're everything their previous agent or broker wasn't. Heck, we're perfect.

And it's easy to be perfect in their eyes because for as long as we can remember, our family and friends have marveled at our ability to seemingly change our persona to match any given circumstance. They call us chameleons. We're not even aware we're doing it; it's second nature to us. It's not a scam; we're simply wired to become the kind of person others find likeable. Some call it charisma. Whatever it is, it worked (and still does) for Bill Clinton and it works for us. It's why we're good salespeople.

People buy from people they like. And guess who most people like the most? Themselves. So we simply mirror them and they like us without really knowing why. It's not a technique. We're not even conscious of it. It's how we're wired.

So clients say yes, we get paid, and then the fun begins.

You find out who is high maintenance, who thrives on drama and who is so disengaged that you can't get the help you need—but they still blame you when deadlines are missed.

And here's where the Hollywood fairytale withers under the heat of reality. Experts tell us that love isn't a feeling; it's a choice. So it is with our selling relationships. We have to choose to stay with the high maintenance, the high drama and the disengaged. We have to choose to operate with character and integrity; to be responsive even when we don't feel like it.

It's easy in the beginning, when it's all new and exciting and we're getting paid. But who we are after the commission check clears is the true test of the relationship's longevity.

Instant Insights /

&ldquo;You got the valentine, but can you keep them?&rdquo;

More From HR Executive

Related Stories

Recommended For You

“You got the valentine, but can you keep them?”