Whether you are selling life insurance, annuities, Medicareplans, dental insurance, or simply your own expertise, businesshappens at the speed of trust.

If there is no trust, no value, no genuine connection, or nosynergy, all the dinners, ball games, and golf outings in the worldaren’t going to change those relationships.

That goes for business socials (golf outings, fundraisers,company outings) or social or semi-social situations (out to dinnerwith another couple you’re getting to know, seeing those you seeevery week at your kid’s sporting event, familybarbecues — depending on your relationship).

Here are some suggestions to help you do everything (or at leastmost things) right when looking to transform social situations (or businesssocials) into business relationships.

1. Start by introducing yourself.

I know this seems obvious but this obvious first step can bedaunting to some. At a golf outing or other business social eventnot introducing yourself would be weird so this is probably not anissue. But how about that other dad you see every week at yourson’s soccer practice that seems like a nice guy? Or the cheer momthat’s always complimenting your kid on her tucks? Introduceyourself and start asking some general questions about the kids,the other parents, other activities, and maybe work life and seewhat happens!

2. Understand networking.

It’s not just about handing out business cards and discussingthe awesomeness of your products and services. There might be someof that (the awesomeness thing, that is) when the time is right butremember, you shouldn’t be pitching your services to those you meetat an event. Or those you share a golf cart with. They’re not yourprospects. Unless they tell you they are. Networking is aboutlearning and potentially helping people – build their business,hire their next employee, or land their next job. Or helping withwhatever. If you help others, they tend to help you right back. Asa friend of mine says, “I think they call that networking!”

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3. It’s about THEM.

Always focus on learning about the other person until they startasking questions about you. Typically, I don’t talk about myselfunless someone asks me a specific question. The exception might beif something just happened in my world that I’m excited about andwant to share. If something is going on in your business or evenpersonal life that is so exciting that others will relate or beinterested in hearing, feel free to share. But remember to shiftgears and start asking questions about them. By being interestedyou become interesting!

4. Be a connector.

As you’re learning about people you meet, think about who youcan introduce them to that will help their cause. Some brokers youwork with (and those you’re looking to work with) may have a nichein let’s say the manufacturing industry. Maybe you know the VP ofoperations for a manufacturer and can provide an introduction.

Givers always gain so look to offer help and make connections inthe best interest of the parties involved. Having said all of this,be careful when connecting those you just met. You may want to getto know them better before introducing them to others. Beforemaking an introduction, make sure you truly like the partiesinvolved and that they’re good at what they do!

5. Find common ground.

The best way to find common ground is to ask great questions.Especially of those you see every week at your kid’s soccer game.How did you get involved in financial services? What college didyou attend? What made you become an independent broker? What aresome of your current initiatives and goals? What are your biggestchallenges? How do you market your business? What do you do forfun? If you don’t get similar questions asked in the form of, “Howabout yourself?” you’re doing something wrong or there’s simply nota good connection.

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6. Say what you mean and mean what you say.

Be very specific about what you want when it comes to business.If there is a specific type of referral you want, mention it (whenthe time is right). The more specific you are, the more likely youare to get it. Remember the manufacturing example I mentionedearlier? If that financial advisor doesn’t mention manufacturersand related details about how they help, that connection does nothappen. So make it happen!

7. Speak the language of WE.

Practice using WE language and establish collaboration andworking together – what true networking is all about! You know,it’s great that we had the chance to spend time playing a fewrounds together. Over golf, it’s difficult to compare notes aboutbusiness. As time allows, I would love to explore how WE might helpone another moving forward. Or, how can WE refer each other morebusiness over time? Yes, you can be direct if you use WE languageand make the business relationship truly that — arelationship!

8. Discuss referral partners.

A referral partner is a profession that is in a position torefer you business because they meet and work with those you’relooking to meet and work with. Make sense? For a financial advisor,a CPA may be an excellent referral partner. Executive directors ofassisted living communities may be good referral partners forestate planning attorneys. And so on. I call it the chicken and eggtheory. When networking, mention the chickens that are in the bestposition to serve you the golden eggs. Hokey, I know!

9. Out of sight is out of mind.

Believe it! Establish a “staying in touch” strategy that keepsyou connected and learning from those you meet, like, and value.This way, when you see them every week or the next time you’resocializing, you have plenty of topics to discuss. Examples ofstaying in touch include a standing phone meeting every 30 days,dinner whenever you’re in town, quarterly meetings, or whatever.Social media can help but there’s nothing like the personal touch.I have sushi with one client at least twice a year (she buys!) andwe discuss movies, television, family stuff, and spend about fiveminutes discussing business.

The important thing is to never be that person in the bleachersat your kid’s game, or at the Father’s Day barbecue, that peopleare trying to avoid because you’re “that guy” looking to sell yourstuff to everyone you talk to.

Nothing good can ever come out of that.