In the financial industry, as in nearly all other industries, the producer's ability to listen skillfully is the key to deep rapport and trust. If you read my articles, you know by now that rapport and trust are the keys to doing high-level business and building loyal clients. For money managers, they are the keys to getting all the assets. So, in other words, your listing skills equate to the quality of your business and ultimate success. Where am I going with this? What skills do you employ when you're listening to a prospect or client?

Mental Scan #2. Do a quick mental scan and remember a recent client conversation. Focus on your thoughts during the conversation. Were you thinking of solutions and planning your response while the client was talking? If yes, then, you might want to adjust your approach.

Thinking behind the scene like that is a huge mistake. In the big picture, it destroys your ability to use your intuition to come up with a creative solution. It also clearly displays to your client that you really were not listening to him.

Let's say that the client in front of you has a problem different from any you've ever dealt with in the past. If you go into your normal style of listening while thinking, you're liable to miss it. You could implement the wrong tactic for that situation. But, every advisor I've ever spoken with believes that he or she is a great listener. I say not. I say that because I've spoken with thousands. I know from being a psychologist that very few people have even moderate listening skill.

Here is all you need to know about listening. Pretend the person in front of you is your son or daughter. You're being asked for help. That change of scenario puts you into a different mode. You being to listen with compassion. You cannot listen with compassion and plan your next statement at the same time. It just doesn't happen. If you're not listening with compassion to your clients, you might want to make an adjustment.

I often create psychological profiles of a client's "A-level" target market. (Creating marketing without first knowing exactly your "A-level" target market is just insane.) One of the questions I ask is, "When you think of financial advisors, what comes to mind?" The comments I hear are embarrassing. Because all my clients are advisors, and I know them to be first-rate, world-class people, I feel the sting at the comments to that question. But, I also know what the comments mean.

The comments include: "User, parasite, shill for selling insurance, self-serving?." Get the picture? The point is, the next person you talk with likely has that attitude and perception of all advisors – including you. If you seek to sell your product, rather than serve, you could turn that person into a crusader against the industry. If you don't listen with compassion, ditto.

Another question I ask is, "What would it take for you to switch to a new advisor?" High-level advisors have clients that say things like this: "For me to consider switching to another advisor, Mike would have to die!" Or they say, "Absolutely nothing! I trust Mike and believe in him completely!"

So, ask yourself, what would your own clients say? Would any of them say that it depended on the performance of their portfolio? Would any of them say that they'll switch as soon as they find someone who has better listening skills? If they don't overwhelmingly state categorically that nothing could make them switch, then, you might consider adjusting the way you listen to, relate to and treat your clients.

The psychology behind being client-centric. The Mental Scans above are significant because they show you what you're doing. Some of you might discover that you inadvertently sabotage your client relationships. If transactional sales is what you believe in, that's OK. But, don't confuse selling your product with being client-centric.

Let's say that you just discovered that you're not as client-centric as you thought. Now, what can you do about it? Can you develop skills that will improve things for you? Let's hope so. Now, I'm going to give you a couple of ideas that may seem pretty basic, but it's amazing that few advisors actually take the initiative to do these things.

Compassionate Listening. This is appropriate for all client interactions – with the exception of transactional sales conversations. Ask your client, "Where do you see yourself in ten years?what do you see yourself doing?" Then, simply look in his face and listen with compassion. Do not allow yourself to do anything other than listen. In self-development environments, we say "listen from your heart."

When your clients talk to you, they're probably talking about things in their lives that threaten them. They might not be looking for you to "fix" anything. They could simply be expressing themselves to you. If you can recognize that, and just listen with all your focus on that client, your relationship will improve dramatically. That's because the one need that most humans have is for someone to really listen to them. That means you must listen without judgments and without an ear for solutions and fixes. Just listen.

If any response is needed when the client is finished talking, it would probably be questions – not suggestions! And, the fist question is most likely, "Thank you for sharing with me. Would you like for me to offer a suggestion?"

True Confession. When I began my coaching practice years ago, I found myself listening with just half an ear because I was simultaneously thinking of what I might do as a solution to the client's problems. I thought I needed to always have answers. Because I was keeping my internal self talk working, my solutions were predicable.

Eventually, I realized that I was better than the help I was giving my clients. So, I began to focus on connecting with the client. I concentrated on listening to the words, watching the client's face, visualizing what he was saying, and feeling his emotion. The results were shocking. I knew the client much better, so my solutions were more in harmony with his way of living and working. The client felt as though he had honestly been heard. So, he was freer to open up and talk even more candidly with me. I learned things that I could never have discovered before. Had I focused on coming up with solutions, I would have killed my ability to help anyone through coaching.

The point of that story is this. You have the same opportunity in front of you every day of your life. A financial advisor is a coach. If you approach your practice as though you are a "life coach," you will indeed connect better, do better work, and enjoy your career a lot more.