As those of you not living in a tunnel already know by now, a huge crop of celebrity nude photos leaked online over the weekend. Jennifer Lawrence, Kate Upton and Kirsten Dunst were just a few of the dozen or so starlets who found their private photos — or offensive fakes — splashed all across the web.

(Actually, from what I understand, there's a ring of these hackers who've been trading these stolen pics like baseball cards for months. The story just happened to bubble its way up to the mainstream this weekend.)

What the hell does this have to do with you? Well, as Apple preps for its annual launch event — more on that in a minute — we're hit with yet another "nothing is secure" story. Hey, if you think finding last weekend's selfie on Reddit is bad, what if it was a copy of your full medical history? What if everyone on the planet found out about your gout, your Crohn's disease, or that you were HIV-positive?