Hmm, let's see. It's not the part about putting your seat in an upright position. Or using your cushion as a flotation device in the unlikely event of a water landing.

Ah, yes, here it is, straight from the manual itself: “If a child is seated beside you, put on your own mask before helping to put a mask on the child.”

Sometimes we worry so much about other people, that we ignore our own needs. Think about what this leads to. If we disregard ourselves long enough, we take ourselves out of the game. When that happen, we're no longer in the position to help those we care most about.

There are many reasons people don't save (or don't save enough) for retirement (see “Misperceptions Prevent Retirement Saving But These Remedies Can Alter That Reality,” FiduciaryNews.com, February 14, 2019).

Perhaps the most daunting of these is “I need the money to help my kids… (fill in the blank: “youth activities,” “tuition bills,” “car payments,” “wedding,” “house down payment,” “their own kids,” you get the idea…).

The real problem isn't the lack of money, it's the lack of long-term thinking. This isn't as easy as it sounds. For many, the urgency of the short-term clouds all else.

We all want the best for our children. When they hit an obstacle, as life so often presents, we want to step in and save the day. Call it the “Catcher in the Rye” Syndrome. We are so afraid of what happens when our kids grow up, we don't want them to grow up. Our parenthood has come to define us. Children gaining independence can challenge a parent's self-perception. It's a difficult reality to face sometimes.

And so we help our children when life's little troubles pop up. Those troubles usually involve money. And so, we cut back on saving for retirement because, well, there'll be time enough in the future to worry about that. Right now, our kids are in need of a bit of help. It's a feeling every good parent knows.

But, is it really “good”? It can cause parents to enable bad habits in their children. It can also lead to parents not saving enough for their own retirement.

And then what?

They better hope their kids learn independence, because they'll be relying on their kids to fund their retirement.

Maybe there's a better solution.

When it comes to retirement savings, we should heed the metaphorical wisdom of the flight attendant: If you're traveling with children, save for your retirement first, then help your child.

Rather than enabling them, we should lead our children by example.

And not just by saving for our own retirement, but by showing children how to save for their own retirement (that is, once they start earning income).

Would rank-and-file 401(k) retirement savers benefit from working with an advisor?

Fee compression: Bad for retirement savers? — Carosa

Instant Insights /

Retirement saving vs. kids: Parents should lead by example, not enable – Carosa

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