Even if productivity is minimally impacted because an employee is working extra-long hours to get everything done, confidence and the ability to focus are adversely impacted.
In this unique time in our lives, we are getting unexpected glimpses into the home lives of many of our colleagues and employees. A spouse needs to get something from the desk drawer in the same room. A four-year old's joyful rendition of the Frozen 2 soundtrack can be heard in the background, triumphing over noise-canceling headphones.
We can all relate to these interruptions by now, because we've all been there at some point – maybe your children are older now and aren't as loud, and maybe your spouse has gotten better at not interrupting your afternoon Zoom calls to get something important from the desk drawer. But how often has the interruption been something that surprised you, or something that you haven't experienced yourself?
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What happens when the unexpected voice is a phone call about an aging loved one who has recently had a serious fall that requires hospitalization? What if the shouts in the background are not about Disney characters, but are about whether or not Eliquis should be taken once or twice a day? Blood thinners may not be a part of your daily conversation, but similar prescriptions likely are a part of daily life for a surprising number of your employees.
In fact, it's estimated that nearly 1 in 5 employees, many among the most experienced and senior in a given company, are caregiving for an aging loved one. According to AARP, 42% of caregivers provide support to at least one of their parents. These caregivers take on this tremendous responsibility on top of an often full list of responsibilities (and dependents) at home, affecting their daily lives at home – and work – in profound ways.
This has become a new reality for even more Americans brought on by the pandemic as they are likely more concerned about an aging loved one living independently and families have decided to move their loved one out of senior living for fear of COVID. Family homes are multi-generational again, at a particularly stressful and unique time when a large part of the workforce is working from home.
Here is a snapshot:
Physical and emotional demands
When you care for an aging loved one, the daily responsibilities are often critical for the health, safety, comfort and happiness of the person. This can be time-consuming and unpredictable. On average, caregivers spend 24.4 hours a week providing care to their loved one. Nearly one-quarter provide 41 or more hours of care a week (23%). These hours can't and don't happen only during the nights and weekends. It's simply not possible. So, these employees improvise, trying to stretch their focus, productivity and mental bandwidth across the responsibilities of their jobs, and their caregiving responsibilities.
This equates to a tremendous amount of time dedicated to checking on the loved one, making sure they are safe, making doctor appointments, researching new specialists who are covered by insurance, and ensuring that their loved one isn't lonely, depressed or frustrated. Sound exhausting? It certainly can be, not only physically, but emotionally as well. Caregivers are 200% more likely to develop depression or a chronic illness.
These responsibilities are squeezed in between meetings, during lunch breaks, during the early hours before the workday begins, really late at night when the employee could be recharging or putting in extra hours for work. Sometimes urgent issues come up during the day – an unexpected fall or an urgent doctor's appointment – forcing the employee to completely scramble to meet the aging loved one's need without jeopardizing their job. Even if productivity is minimally impacted because the employee is working extra-long hours to get everything done, confidence and the ability to focus are adversely impacted.
Stretched thin, often with others to care for
According to The Sandwich Generation: Stress and Other Issues, 47% spend, on average, two hours per day caring for parents and/or in-laws. What's more, 23% of caregivers in the sandwich generation spend 41 or more hours per week caring for an aging loved one, in addition to caring for young children at the same time. This adds up to a lengthy list of to-dos each day, with the caregiver doing the best they can to keep up with the needs of their loved ones, in addition to their existing responsibilities at work.
As a result, the person often getting the least sleep, nutrition, time for work and time to recharge is the caregiver. Professional obligations are often the first to suffer, since matters of caregiving could be a matter of health or illness.
Keep in mind, caregivers are often experienced and senior employees in the workforce – they're experts in their fields and difficult to replace. They're also not used to underperforming at work, and the realization that work might have to take a less-prominent position in their life is a noteworthy change.
Ashamed to ask for help
Perhaps the most striking common quality that we've observed among caregivers, aside from their universal selflessness, is that they are often ashamed of their situation and afraid to ask for help. There is an innate feeling that the caregiver is fulfilling his or her duty to the aging loved one and shouldn't need to ask for help. There's also a duty to keep the struggles of the aging loved one private – to preserve their dignity and spare them from any humiliation over not being able to do things independently that they once took for granted. Your mother wouldn't want your colleague to know that she fell in the shower and broke her hip. Your father-in-law wouldn't want anyone to know that he forgot where he put his car keys again.
Society is quite forgiving and familiar with the extraordinary demands of new parenthood – even to the point that new parenting stories are freely shared, even compared, in the office over a cup of coffee or before a team meeting begins. Who hasn't heard a hilarious story about a fussy 2-month-old who won't get back to sleep and an exhausted coworker who has put on two different socks for work or put shaving cream instead of toothpaste on their toothbrush that morning? These stories have an awkward, often funny element to them that is relatable. These stories are short-lived. Newborn babies grow up and become more self-sufficient with every birthday that passes, turning stories of extreme difficulty and exhaustion in tales from the past.
This is very different from any story that could be shared about an aging loved one who is battling dementia, or decreased mobility, or a variety of ailments that have depleted his or her quality of life. These stories aren't usually funny or awkward, unless it is at the expense of the senior. Furthermore, these are not situations that get better with time. The exact opposite is true, making it especially difficult to discuss or confide in anyone – especially a senior colleague or manager – or ask for help. If your colleagues don't know what you're going through, they're less equipped to step up and help.
Growing uncertainty about the future
Ask any caregiver, among the most difficult aspects of their daily lives are how unpredictable it is and how challenging it is to plan for the future. An aging loved one can be progressing well with a new prescription regimen, or the introduction of a different diet, or rediscovering a love for painting, but one unexpected diagnosis, fall or relapse can dramatically change that. Situations can very quickly escalate from manageable to untenable in a matter of hours. Most caregivers lack any real support or expert guidance, so they are making very difficult choices with significant implications on the quality of life for their aging loved one alone or with siblings, which can often make decisions even more difficult and contentious.
According to the Harvard Business Review, almost 25% of employees who decide to leave their jobs unexpectedly, did so to care for an ill or disabled spouse, partner, or family member. This is often devastating to the employee, who is making a tremendous financial and professional sacrifice in order to dedicate more time to caring for their aging loved one. When employees make this difficult decision to leave the workforce, they often do not know how long it will last, creating even more uncertainty.
How HR professionals can help
There is a growing list of trustworthy and innovative support systems, resources and experts to alleviate the pressures and demands of caregiving for a senior loved one, but we still have a long way to go in terms of awareness and institutional support.
As we are seeing once-popular workplace benefits become all but moot (goodbye free lunches, delicious snacks and the brand-new coffee machine), those budgets can be completely reimagined with new benefits that address the unique ways that the lives of our employees have changed – such as caregiver support and benefits. Perhaps a portion of the budgets can be leveraged to adapt to how WFH can be more tenable for all employees, including those who are adjusting to a newly multigenerational household. Without eye-catching, inspiring collaboration spaces to design or maintain, expenses will inevitably be reduced.
But why stop there? Encourage your company leaders to reevaluate the amount of time spent in meetings across the board to see if that can be reduced, too. By providing more concentration time for all, you will be empowering your employees and leveling the working environment for your time-starved employees.
There's also an opportunity to redefine what caregiving means. It's not exclusively to describe caring for dependent children and simply recognizing this and saying so out loud will help validate the hidden responsibilities of so many colleagues and friends.
The next time you see a colleague look especially tired or drained on a video call, take a moment to ask them how they are or inquire about what's going on in their life. You might be surprised at the answer you get.
Dave Jacobs is the co-founder and co-CEO of Homethrive, an innovative age-inclusive employee benefit that provides expert Care Guides and supportive technology to employees who are caregiving for an aging loved one.
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