Let's look first at some of those common mistakes and misunderstandings:

Mistake 1. Crossed arms send mixed signals. When you look at someone whose arms are crossed, what can you tell about that person? Most sales training teaches you to interpret it as someone who is closed off. Wrong. Most people who cross their arms are either cold or simply more comfortable in that position. Many men find it uncomfortable to stand or sit without crossing their arms. That's because the muscles in their shoulders are stiff – not because you offended them. Many women are sensitive to temperature and get cold more easily than men.

Lesson. The next time a prospect crosses his or her arms, assume that he or she is simply more comfortable that way. Don't read the position. Instead, read the amount of energy being put out. Did the person tense up at the same time she crossed her arms? Did her facial expression change? Did she start looking in a different direction? Crossing arms (or legs) alone is usually meaningless.

Mistake 2. The eyes don't have it. Nearly every sales training program I've ever seen suggests you track where the prospect's eyes go. This is intended to tell you what kind of language to use with your prospect. Were you to make note of the sequence of eye movements, then you might have something you could use. But, gosh, that's just hard as heck for most people to do – especially in the middle of a sales presentation.

Watching where someone's eyes go, when she is answering an open-ended question tells you what type of information the prospect is searching for in her mind. Is it visual, auditory or something else? It takes about three seconds to see that. Doesn't really make much difference, because the real value is in making note of the sequence of eye movements. You might make decisions based a sequence of visual, kinesthetic, visual. So, you might see your options, determine how you feel about them, then finally see the option you want. The visual or kinesthetic by itself is almost meaningless.

Truth is, eye-accessing information is mainly of value to therapists and tends merely to confuse most people. For sales people, trying to track eye movements is annoying, distracting and generally ineffective.

Lesson. The big advantages you can gain from tracking "eye accessing cues" is:

1. know when to stop talking – people who prefer visual information can't easily comprehend a lot of talking. The more you talk to them, the lower your chances of making a sale. So, ask more questions, and when you talk, be brief and effective.
2. Watching the other person closely helps you connect with that person. People who feel as though they're being honestly listened to tend to like the person listening, and trust that person more easily.
3. Watching the other person closely makes it harder for you to make the biggest mistake – jumping ahead to plan what you're going to say next. As soon as you do that, the other person senses it. And you display it because your eyes will often divert from the person to something else.

Mistake 3. Is that a Buy signal or a Bye-Bye signal? Chances are, during some of your presentations, the other person has brought his hand up to his face. Is that a signal that he's about to say, "Yes?" Probably not. Is he starting to consider the offer? Probably not.

Lesson. When the other person brings his hand to his face, that's a clear signal that he's probably entering into an internal conversation with himself. What would you think if you were in the middle of a presentation and the other person struck up a side conversation with someone else? Same thing. As soon as the hand comes up to the face, the other person has just reduced the amount of attention he's giving you. Worse, he's having a conversation with himself inside his head.

Usually, those internal conversations don't have anything to do with the content of your presentation. He might be noticing your toupee. Perhaps he realized that you're wearing a twenty-year-old tie. He might be running one his own self-defeating tapes. When my wife was a manager with Mobil, she was admonishing her staff one day, and didn't realize that the lone button on her blouse had popped off. It's a safe bet that the staff was not thinking about what she was saying.

Putting it all together. After many years of study, experiment and application in the art of reading people, I have developed an informal system that works. It has to be informal because the things that drive one person's behavior may have little affect on another person. I've discovered that the best way to read a person is by looking at the most general descriptors first. Then, fill in the appropriate specifics. This is the methodology we use in our own business, and it's what we teach our clients to do. If you're practicing a form of consultative selling, it is vital for you to read the person in front of you. How else would you know how to connect with that person in a way that builds trust? How else would you become a consultant in that person's eyes?

Here are the first basic steps:

Step 1. Read the facial to predict behavior

Every face on the planet contains lines. Those lines are there for a reason. They tell you that the person has made the same facial expressions hundreds of thousands of times. When you learn what they mean, you'll know how that person thinks. In a way, you'll be able to read that person's mind. In fact, I will often tell people that I'm a "business mind reader."

What it is not. There are two things this is not. First, it is not intended to encapsulate the entire field of psychology. Second, it is not Chinese. In my years of research and experiments into predicting behavior, I've read a great deal about the Chinese practice of face reading. Often, when I mention face reading to people who come to my workshops, that's what some of them think I'm talking about. They're wrong. The Chinese believe that there is a "perfect face," and that any deviation from that perfect face represents a character flaw. Of course, that perfect face is Chinese. So, in the Chinese face-reading belief, all non-Chinese are either mutants or deviates. Even if your teen-age children would agree with that, in the long run, it is just wrong.

My system is called Face Values, and it is not related to the Chinese system. It is based on facial behavior. What causes you to make one facial expression more often than any other? There are only a few facial expressions that are repeated, so when you know what they are, you can easily read just about anyone you ever meet – even the Chinese and even your teen-age children.

Step 2. Listen intently to the specific words people use

Here's how it works: First, ask a simple open-ended question. Then, be quiet and make note of the exact words the other person uses. When a person answers an open-ended question, she stops focusing outward and goes inside her mind. At that instant, she becomes relatively unaware of the words she uses. Those words point back in time to meaningful memories and emotional experiences. Just listen. Most people tell you more about themselves than they think.

Add those words to the facial expressions and body language. What you get is the beginning of an in-depth psychological profile. Once you get that, you will get a much better understanding of how to build rapport and trust; how to connect to that person; what to promise, and how to fulfill those promises.