“What do I do next?” You are at an event where you see a person you recognize. You’ve never met them, but they look just like their photo on the business pages of the paper or their annual report. This is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. You tell yourself “I’ve got to meet this guy!” How do you do it?

Social comes first

First of all, forget business. If you enter pitching, you might suffer the same fate you assign to those recorded calls you get saying: “There’s a problem with your computer…” At this moment, you are a normal person, they are a normal person and some shared interest put you under the same roof. Is it a wedding? College alumni event? Homeowner’s association meeting?

Look before you leap

You can learn a lot just by watching. Are they in the mood or just in the room? Are they here because they have to be here? Their spouse dragged them? They really want to be at a sports bar watching the game? You can spot the body language pretty easily. If they are in a foul mood, they probably won’t be receptive unless you say: “Want to get out of here and watch the game?”

How are they dressed? If everyone is in suits and they’re in a black tee shirt and jeans, they may not be concerned about fitting in. They play by their own rules. If everyone is in polo shirts and chinos and they look like they just stepped off their yacht, they may be formal, considering clothing like a suit of armor. Either way, they may look like the odd one out.

Who are they talking to? Are they making the rounds, acting as host, thanking people for coming? Meeting them won’t be tough. Are they standing off on the side with a few other people talking in hushed tones? It could be a legal problem they are addressing. You don’t interrupt that conversation.

How long do they spend in conversation? That hushed conversation would be better if held in a conference room. But if they are in a group setting laughing, they could be enjoying the punchline of a joke. If people are joining in and breaking away every few minutes, it’s low key.

What is their overall behavior? Are they comfortable? Do you get the feeling they know everyone or very few people? If it’s the latter, you might take it upon yourself to make them feel welcome.

3 ways to meet a stranger

OK, enough observation. It’s time to meet them. Here are three ways forward:

1. Get an introduction. Look around. Find someone you know that connected. Ask if they know that person. If so, would they introduce you? They will likely walk you over, wait for a pause in conversation and make the connection. People good at this say: “You both have a lot in common” as they name a few shared interests. You are off to the races.

2. Friends in common. The perfect person to make the introduction isn’t there. No problem. Pretend they are, at least in spirit. Walk over solo, wait for the right moment and say: “I think we have a friend in common.” They will wonder who. You supply a name. They ask how you know them. After answering, you ask about their connection. The conversation is started.

3. The compliment. Often, the first two aren’t options because the person is a total stranger. If they sponsored the event, thank them, mentioning a few high points. If they are a senior executive, mention something their company recently did. (Which you quickly researched on your smartphone.) It might be earnings that were just announced. They may not know you, but it’s difficult to be offended by a compliment.

By now, you have noticed you are different from the stereotype of your profession. You looked before you leaped. You were polite and gracious. If business comes up, it’s because they started asking questions. You have taken a sincere interest, as you look for common interests.

Bryce Sanders is president of Perceptive Business Solutions Inc. He provides HNW client acquisition training for the financial services industry. His book, “Captivating the Wealthy Investor” can be found on Amazon.

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