Be honest with yourself: are you a constant business-apologizer? Are you apologizing for your presence, for breathing air, for occupying space, for simply being?

No? Are you absolutely sure?

"I'm sorry" is the silent business killer

The words "I'm sorry" don't always have to come out of your mouth. Actions speak louder than words, and sometimes your actions do the apologizing. Sometimes you use other words, but your audience hears an apology.

Kevin Trokey is founding partner and coach at St. Louis-based Q4intelligence.

When you show up at a prospect's office, do you tell them, "Thank you so much for taking the time to meet with me." I know, you're wondering, where's the apology in that? This message makes them more important than you. It implies you are an interruption, an imposition, an inconvenient presence. Instead, say something like, "I am so happy it worked out for us to get together today." It is still respectful but conveys an opportunity for both sides.

As you make your sales pitch, do you find yourself saying things like, "What we try to do is…" or "What we like to do is…" This language is soft and is interpreted as an advanced apology for not performing. Instead, use strong, confident language, "What we do is…" or "For each of our clients, our process is to…" Own and commit to the outcome. Confidence is attractive. Apologies are not.

Maybe you apologize before even meeting someone. Do you get physically ill at the idea of picking up the phone to make that cold call? Or, maybe you breathe a sigh of relief when you are sent to voicemail and then hang up without leaving a message? It may only be in your own mind, but you are apologizing to them for the interruption you almost were.

When seemingly interested prospects unexpectedly stall out, do you find yourself simply looking at your pipeline in frustration but won't take any action to push them along? If so, you likely wonder if the time they already gave you was wasted and that, short of having to call them with an apology, you simply won't ask them to waste any more of their time.

Do you lurk in the corner of social media platforms, not contributing, commenting, or interacting with others? Are you quietly apologizing for taking up space?

When giving a presentation, do you start by saying, "I'm really not a very good public speaker" or "I hope you get something from what I'm going to share." As soon as you apologize for what you are about to say, your entire audience is looking to validate your apology.

You're apologizing for the wrong things

You have valuable ideas that can impact others. You have had unique experiences from which others can learn. You have had successes that others need to have for their own. And you have failures that others can avoid.

Part of your responsibility on this journey we call life, is to be present in the moment, to fill an appropriate level of space, and to share yourself with others.

The only thing we should apologize for is keeping us to ourselves.

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Sorry, not sorry: How to stop the silent business killer

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