Also: The voluntary status-quo isn't acceptable, either

While my assistant saw the gift and said, “oh cool, it's a very nice coffee mug” and kept reminding me of the age old saying, “it's the thought that counts,” all I could say is that I couldn't disagree more. I was picturing the company mass-producing this branded mug and sending it to their partners across the country as an obligatory — but in the end, thoughtless — gesture. The irony is that each mug likely cost the company upwards of $50 or more, and I guarantee there's not a single person who received their obligatory mug and said “This company really cares. I love this mug, and for that, I'm going to sell more of their product.”

Gifting expert, mentor and friend John Ruhlin, breaks down this concept in his best-selling book, “Giftology: The Art and Science of Using Gifts to Cut Through the Noise, Increase Referrals, and Strengthen Retention.” Known as “a force of nature in giving,” Ruhlin talks about how to gift properly, ensuring your gifts come across as thoughtful and meaningful, and will provide a positive lasting impression.

It may be counter-intuitive, but to give a high quality, considerate gift, you don't have to spend extra money. Sending a fruit arrangement to a client's entire office is going to cost you $100 anyway, so why not send something of specific interest to the president or CEO directly?

Let's say he loves golf. I'm still not going to send him a golf shirt with my logo on it. I'm going to send him a golf shirt customized to his favorite sports team, or with his company's logo embroidered on it — never mine. Or, better yet, I'll buy him a custom engraved, high-quality golf club that I know he'll cherish for years to come. Important note though: If, like me, you're not a golf expert, make sure you ensure the quality of your purchase by consulting a true golf pro before sending something so meaningful. When he receives it, you want him to be blown away with the thought and research you put into it. The last thing you want is for him to think about that age old “thought that counts” non-sense.

Be original and specific

Overall, the profound key to gifting, discussed by Ruhlin in his book, is not to send gifts during obligatory times of the year when everyone else is doing it. It's an incredibly simple, but amazing, concept. Instead of zeroing in on the holidays or somebody's birthday, why not send them a gift, randomly, sometime during the year. With zero expectations of anything in return, I'll send a little something at the end of February with a quick and simple note: “Hey bud, I was just thinking about you the other day and thought you would love this. Enjoy!”

Since I started doing things like this over the last year, it has created more good will than I ever would have imagined. For example, I ended up in a conversation with a client partner and good friend of mine, Jim Blachek, about socks, of all things. His wife gave him a pair of Bombas socks, and he was raving about them. In fact, he mentioned it over so many conversations that I had to get a pair myself to see what all the hype was about. They are fun and very comfy socks, but that wasn't the point.

It gave me the opportunity to share, my favorite sock brand, Stance socks, with him. I told him how they do custom socks for professional sports leagues and more, but he still wasn't convinced they could beat his Bombas. So, what did I do? A few weeks later, knowing he is a huge Raiders and St. Louis Cardinals fan, and his partner is a Chargers and Phillies fan, I ordered them each several pairs of custom socks.

Now, months later, I kid you not, every time I see him or even if we're having a phone call, he says, “Hey buddy, guess what? I'm wearing my Stance socks. They're amazing. Thank you again.” Further, every time I'm wearing my Bombas socks, I think of my buddy, Jim.

What if I'd sent him a Christmas gift with a box of cookies instead? He never would have thought about it again. In fact, I know he doesn't do carbs or sugar, so while his staff may have enjoyed the treat momentarily, it wouldn't have had any impact on our relationship, and he might have even been offended that I'd sent him something I should have known he wouldn't enjoy.

I encourage you to take that extra moment, examine your current gifting strategy and ask yourself: Am I sending generic, obligatory, thoughtless items just to check it off a list? Or, do my gifts signal I truly care about the recipient and want to start or continue to build a meaningful relationship?

Until next time, don't just have a great month, make it a great month!

Silverman, founder and owner of Voluntary Disruption, a division of Silverman Benefits Group (SBG), is an Amazon bestselling author featured in “Breaking Through The Status Quo.” Voluntary Disruption works as the “adviser's adviser” for clients small to large all across the country, and is a nationally recognized as a disruptive carrier-agonistic enhanced benefits boutique with in-house distribution and enrollment services. Reach Silverman directly by voice and text at (443) 676-0340, by email; [email protected], at his website; voluntarydisruption.com, on LinkedIn, on Twitter @SilvermanSBG, or through his business Facebook page; facebook.com/SilvermanBenefits.