4.      An intermediary is inserted.  This might happen with older clients.  Suddenly, they are no longer the decision maker.  Everything needs to be approved by their nephew.

What can you do to save the relationship?

As the agent or advisor, you know something is wrong.  They are upset, but they aren't telling you why.  Consider three strategies:

1.      Immediately initiate a face to face meeting.  This applies if the relationship is with an individual or a business.  Pick a neutral location.  Meeting over dinner at a restaurant is ideal.  Expect to pick up the check.  After food has been ordered and drinks are on the table (and the server won't be interrupting) say: "Things haven't been good lately."  Stop talking.

A torrent of complaint will likely follow.  Voices will be raised.  Listen.  Don't try to counter their statements.  Draw them out instead.  Your turn is coming.  When the verbal storm subsides, you might calmly make your points, but here's the most important part.  Look them in the eyes and say: "What can we do to go forward?"  Stop talking.

Why:  Your client is aware you put yourself in the path of their verbal torrent.  You let them get everything off their chest.  It's very difficult to say: "No, we can't move forward" or give a reason why they are leaving, when you've brought this out into the open, face to face.

2.      Change the focus of communication.  Why is your client upset?  They told you: "You only call when you are selling something."  This goes back to the transaction days before trailers, when you were only paid when you rang the cash register.

Your strategy is to initiate non-sales communication.  Send educational material.  Use several channels including e-mail and direct mail.  Do you have a newsletter?  Now the phone as the single point of contact has been expanded to multiple channels.  Maybe they get invited to a seminar.

Why:  They are hearing from you when you aren't selling.  They are learning something new.  You are giving them attention.  The material you send prompts question.  Now they are calling you, asking for more details.

3.       Meet every player.  Relationships often have a single point of contact, the decision maker.  Often, their partner is treated as a minor supporting actor, tasked with delivering your message.  Requests and ideas aren't explained, because they will likely defer to the decision maker anyway.  This person develops a dislike towards you.  They can make the decision maker's life unbearable.  "Your agent called again.  I don't know why you do business with that woman!"

Your strategy involves taking the initiative.  Call at a time you know the decision maker isn't available.  Get the partner on the phone.  Explain: "We've never met.  We need to meet.  Maybe I'm not the right advisor for both of you."

Meet both of them on their home territory.  Their living room is ideal.  Report on their accounts, giving equal or more attention to the partner who feels slighted.  Research everything thoroughly beforehand, so you can give detailed answers backed by facts.

At the end of your visit, explain decisions should be made based on knowledge, not emotion.  You will give them enough information to make knowledgeable decisions.

Why:  You have shown respect to the slighted party.  Assuming you continue along this path in future phone conversations, they will likely warm up to you and tone down their criticism.

Yes, sometimes clients give warning signs before jumping ship.  You need to be proactive in these situations to try and save the relationship.

Bryce Sanders is president of Perceptive Business Solutions Inc. He provides HNW client acquisition training for the financial services industry. His book, "Captivating the Wealthy Investor" can be found on Amazon.

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