Sign on computer says Warning: Romance scam

As if there aren't enough hazards to their cash for seniors, romance presents yet another way to separate older people from their money.

So says the Squared Away blog at the Center for Retirement Research at Boston College, which cites Federal Trade Commission data indicating that older folks got fleeced out of an average of $10,000—more than other age groups—by online romancers who turned out to be long-con grifters and swindlers.

The FTC says that not only did last year's victims (old and young alike) get cheated out of more than $200 million, romantic scammers glommed the most money of any type of scam and their total for last year represented a 40 percent increase over what they stole in 2018.

Lots of the victims are female, which exacerbates the problems women already have with accumulating enough money to see them through retirement. It seems many are all too willing to give it away to a confidence trickster with a slick line and a sob story to match.

The Better Business Bureau warns that romance scammers not only take advantage of social media to engage their marks (unsuspecting targets), they frequently use stolen credit cards to buy their way into any social network that requires a fee.

And once their bogus profile has been successful in attracting one or more victims, they take the online relationship elsewhere so that if the site uncovers their scam and shuts them down, they're already in touch with their victims via another means.

The FTC points out that scammers will frequently claim to be members of the military, working on an oil rig or a doctor with an international organization—all good excuses to claim to be out of the country (which is probably the only grain of truth in many of their stories). They have sob stories ranging from sick relatives to a need for cash to pay for documents or travel. They groom their targets by creating a relationship based on lies—which fall apart quickly enough if the supposed victim is savvy enough to research them, and their supposed photos (use a reverse image search, says Consumer Reports), online.

They couch their requests for money in real sob-story terms, often disavowing any willingness to take cash from their victims, although they surrender quickly enough—and then weave another web of lies to explain their desire to get the cash via gift cards, reload cards or wire transfers—and then disappear once the money has been sent, leaving their victims with broken hearts and empty bank accounts.

So beware, would-be Valentines. Consumer Reports cites FBI Supervisory Special Agent David Farquhar's warning: "Typically the scammer builds trust by writing long letters over weeks or months and crafting a whole persona for their victims. That big investment gives victims a false sense that the relationship must be real."

Check claims of being out of the country with the embassy in question. Look for photos of your correspondent online that turn up under other names. Verify employment claims and "trust, but verify." And last but not least, remember Farquhar's warning about what happened to one victim: "There was one woman who got scammed for over a million dollars, her whole retirement nest egg."

Instant Insights /

Sweetheart scammers on the rise, conning an average of $10k from victims

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