Here's an urban legend worth repeating: It's been said John D. Rockefeller, America's first billionaire, mentioned to his friends he had just bought some insurance. One of his friends said: “You know I sell insurance! Why didn't you buy it from me?” Rockefeller's reply was: “The other guy asked.”

The story may or may not be true, but the message is important: You have to ask.

Don't decide for others

Over the years, my wife and I have been involved as volunteers raising money for local non-profits. We would get together a committee, build a list of prospects and discuss strategy. Here's an FYI: As an agent or advisor, you have a skill few others possess – you have the ability to look people in the eyes and ask them for money.

It's a great skill. Most people would do anything to get out of looking at someone and asking for money.

At these committee meetings people would say: “We can't ask him. His wife just died.” “We can't ask her, she just lost her job.” The pool of prospects got smaller and smaller.

Here's the lesson: When you don't ask, you are taking the decision out of the other person's hands and making it yourself. Everyone should have the opportunity to say “No.” If you ask politely and they turn you down, that's fine. Just don't make the decision for them, without consulting them.

You know what they say about the word “assume”

Recently, an insurance industry professional explained: “We tell people to go after their natural market. Often they just don't ask people they know because they assume they are taken care of by someone else.”

This might be true. They might have mentioned they have an insurance agent or financial advisor. But you don't know the whole story. Are they happy with their advisor? Are they doing a good job? Are they with the same advisor they started with or have they been reassigned? Have fees gone up?

Inertia is powerful. It keeps people in unsatisfactory relationships because it takes effort to make a change.

When you approach them, you are establishing yourself as the alternative. They often keep your card.

Here's a big motivator for making a change: Previously, they saw it as moving their money out of someplace and finding another place to put it. They were leaving the known, heading into the unknown.

Now the alternative has a face: They aren't taking their money out without knowing where it's going. They are bringing their money to you at your firm. The alternative has a face!

They feel that paperwork will be involved to disentangle themselves from the old firm and set themselves up at the new firm. That's an obstacle to making a change. Now, they assume you will handle all these details.

Their job is to say “Do it.” It involves more than that, but it works in your favor.

How might the conversation go?

Yet you don't want to come across as greedy, callous or self-interested.

You might start a conversation with a friend this way: “I realize you have a lot going on right now, but I wanted to talk to you about something and at least give you the opportunity to say no.”

Here's what you might hear:

• Between jobs. “Thanks for asking. Right now, the biggest thing on my mind is finding a new job. Once I'm safely settled, then we should talk.”

• Lost their spouse. “You're right. I'm still grieving. I appreciate your sensitivity. Actually, my biggest challenge is getting the finances sorted out and getting bills paid. I wish I had something like a reliable paycheck coming in each month.”

• On a fixed income. “Money is tight, but I'm flattered you asked. Actually, my big problem is trying to plug the gap between my income and expenses with interest I earn on my savings. But rates are so low, yet the bills keep getting bigger.”

• Health issues. “Things don't look good for my spouse. That's where my attention needs to be. His sudden illness has been a wakeup call for me. I just wish there was something I could do if I found myself in his position and had these big medical bills coming in.”

These are circumstances that might lead to a different type of business than you were proposing.

Even if this doesn't happen, you have let your friend make the decision by approaching them and asking politely.

Everyone should have the opportunity to say no.

Bryce Sanders is president of Perceptive Business Solutions Inc. He provides HNW client acquisition training for the financial services industry. His book, “Captivating the Wealthy Investor” can be found on Amazon.

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