It's a bad move, say financial experts, but parents are doing it anyway—helping out the kids at the cost of their own financial security, including retirement.

According to a study from Merrill Lynch, not only are 90 percent of parents surprised at how much more money they've spent since they had kids, they just don't stop spending that way even after the kids are grown.

In fact, parents are acting more like banks or cash machines than parents, with 79 percent providing support of some kind to grown children. Yet the average cost of raising a child to age 18 these days is estimated to be more than $230,000.

And the spending often just doesn't stop at age 18; parents keep on doling out funds, despite that massive price tag.

That can include smaller stuff, like paying for all or some of their kids' cellphone bills (done by 54 percent of parents); bigger stuff, such as paying for all or part of their child's wedding—something 60 percent of parents do—or even helping them buy a house, which otherwise is out of reach for many due to soaring home prices and high levels of student debt coupled with low incomes.

In fact, says a new report sponsored by Legal & General Group, 43 percent of home buyers under the age of 35 have gotten financial help from what it terms the “Bank of Mom and Dad”, despite the fact that 15 percent of those lenders have found themselves relegated to a lower standard of living in order to render that sort of financial aid.

Parents of adult children contribute a total of $500 billion annually to their kids, or twice what they put into their own retirement accounts, according to Merrill Lynch.

The numbers are thought-provoking, with 72 percent having put their kids' needs ahead of their own need to save for retirement and 63 percent saying they've sacrificed their financial security for the sake of their children.

Other extremes include the 15 percent who took out a loan to help their kids buy a house; the 8 percent who raided their 401(k)s to do so; the 6 percent who downsized their own homes to get the kids into a house; and the 3 percent who actually came out of retirement so their offspring could have a home of their own.

One other sad effect of this drive to help the kids, says the Legal & General Group report, is that this drive to help is actually making the kids dependent on parents and grandparents to be able to buy a house.

The big question parents need to ask themselves is whether their kids will support them in their old age if they bankrupt themselves supporting the kids' needs at the expense of preparing for retirement. And some parents won't like the answer. READ MORE:

Gulf in retirement preparedness mirrors gulf in behaviors

Race, ethnicity play huge role in retirement preparedness

5 retirement preparedness numbers for employers

Instant Insights /

Parents helping kids financially at cost of retirement

More From HR Executive

Related Stories

Recommended For You